InsaneJournal

*||Swirling mists, visions that throw him in and out of scenes. Blair is assaulted with emotions as well as sight. Trapped in time and space, he is helpless to control the chaos around him.

He sits in a courtroom, Jim on the stand being badgered by an attorney.

“It was 11:15 at night. The killer is the equivalent of two football fields away and there are no lights on the streets. How could you possibly make a positive identification of Mr. Juno, the way he cuts his hair, the clothes he was wearing, the weapon he was using, on in fact anything at all?”

Jim looks to Blair for help, who is slowly shaking his head. His eyes drift closed only to snap open again with another scene. This time Jim and Simon are in the Captain’s office and Simon is yelling at Jim.

“Why didn’t you tell me Juno was 200 yards away?”

Another blink and this time a dark haired woman is accusing Jim in Simon’s office.

“You don’t think I know what happened? A cop gets killed. You don’t have a case so you decide to help it alone.”

Jim attempts to deny but the woman carries on.

“Only you got caught. And now you’ve made the entire police department look bad.”

Blair closes his eyes in despair, but the visions aren’t done with him and he opens his eyes to scenes of Jim losing control of his senses. His taste and hearing slipping away. His hands going numb. But he won’t tell Blair.

“Would you just forget it? I am not going to be some human lab rat for you to prod and probe every time something goes wrong. You got that?”

Blair shrugs at him uncomfortably. “I’m just trying to help.”

Jim snarking to him in a hospital setting.

“Well, I have had these cravings.”

“Yeah?”

“Last night I ordered pizza – pepperoni and 30-weight motor oil.”

Blair sighs and the dreams move on. Now he’s being blinded by media cameras in a dark warehouse. Now he’s ordered by Simon to turn over his observer credentials. Now he’s in a car with Jim arguing about illegal wiretaps.

Snatches of conversation slip past him and he tries in vain to catch something to hold on to. Something to understand.

“You violated his civil rights, for God’s sakes!”

“Don’t say it.” “Say what? That you’re an arrogant, self-destructive schmuck?”

“Right. You broke the law, got suspended – you’re self-destructing and you don’t realize it.”

“Whoa, whoa, since when did you become my shrink?”

“Damn you for what you done. He was more than just my brother. He was the other half of my soul.”

Blair felt nausea taking hold. The images were swirling so fast that he felt like he was on some Merry-go-round being spun by a demented Carnie. He swallows convulsively as he finds himself inside someone else’s mind. He hears a gun shot. His eyes follow the bullet. Towards Jim at some fairgrounds. Now towards the woman with the dark hair as she drops her phone. Now into the back of an unsuspecting kid on a motorbike... where it finally seems to find its mark. The kid topples from the slowly moving vehicle and the spreading pool of red swamps his mind's eye as ... ||*

o-O-o

Blair opened his eyes with a snap. For a moment he felt confused and disoriented. He glanced at his lap, recognized his journal and the pen in his hand. He suddenly remembered that he was at home, Larry in his cage, and he was sitting on his couch catching up on his thoughts. The vision was fading rapidly as reality again took hold.

“Yeah, and don’t think I didn’t notice how different this one was compared to the last. Just who’s idea was it to send me on that ride?”

An amused chuff sounded from the shadows and drew Blair’s attention to his right where the wolf sat on its haunches, and appearing to laugh at him delightedly. Blair glared at him for a moment until the shadows melted and the panther stepped forward looking rather smug. Blair groaned.

“Oh so this is your doing, is it?”

The cat didn’t answer in any way or form, just faded out again with the wolf as the phone rang. Blair reached over and answered with a distracted air.

“Hello?”

**”Hey Sandburg. I’ve got an informant to meet with tonight.”** Jim sighed on the other end of the line. Blair knew what was coming next. It was the third time this week.

“Hi, yeah… no big deal Jim. We can test your night vision some other time.” Blair promised himself that he would not sound irritated with the Sentinel. He was pleasantly surprised when Jim interrupted him.

**”No wait! I was thinking you could come with me.”**

Blair sat up further. “Oh?”

**”I got a call to meet my guy in the warehouse district in an hour.”**

Blair glanced out the window and noticed the lateness of the evening. He smiled. “I can meet you at the loft in fifteen minutes.”

**”Meet you there.”** agreed Jim as he hung up.  Blair stared at the phone for a moment, an involuntary shudder passing through his body. He glanced at Larry, who was now sleeping, and decided that things would be all right for the night. He looked down at his journal and read what he had been thinking before mentally checking out.

*Jim is making some noise about taking me to the local firing range. But how to tell him that, especially after last week’s run in with the Sunrise Patriots, I definitely do not want to have to tote a gun around like Dirty Harry.*

Blair sighed as he reread what he had been thinking. Guns… and then he has visions of people being shot. He shook his head. His doubts would have to wait for another day.

o-O-o

Blair closed his eyes for what he counted to be the fourth or fifth time. Ellison was determined to get his point across, but Blair would not be swayed. They sat together in Jim’s truck in an alleyway that was on the other side of the warehouse district from his own home. Blair stared out the window as Jim launched into yet another round of the same argument.

“All I’m saying is that it would be nice to know that if I got into a jam, that you can cover my back.”

Blair took a deep breath. They had gone over this in every direction. “Look, I understand all this Jim. I will back you in every way possible. Just don’t ask me to carry a gun.”

Jim opened his mouth to object, but Blair over rode him. “And don’t worry man, it’s not that I am against defending myself or anyone with me, I just don’t like guns. Besides, if last week’s invasion of the station and my little part in it didn’t clue you in, I’m good at improvisation.”

Jim nodded reluctantly as he tilted his head to the side. “Somebody’s coming.”

From behind them came the sound of a motorbike, which parked its self in front of Jim’s truck. Jim smirked as Blair, who smirked back as Jim opened his door.

“It’s him.” He left the truck and started over to the rider, who was removing his helmet. Blair sighed and turned his attention to the street outside of the truck. He wasn’t exactly happy to be there. What he had hoped would be an excellent opportunity to test Jim’s vision perception at night, had turned very quickly into an argument for Blair packing a weapon. He shuddered to think what his mother would say about it. Yet another item to keep out of the Reader’s Digest version he was compiling for when she came to visit, hopefully in another year or two.

A soft growl to his right snapped his attention back to the present and Blair focused on his surroundings again. Especially Jim and the motorbike rider. And the small red dot that had just appeared on the rider’s back. Jim, to, had noticed the dot center on the rider’s back just as he was riding away.

“Danny!”

Blair watched helplessly as a gunshot rang out, the bullet striking the rider, who fell from the bike. His head swam with remembered vision. The biker, the shot, the shooter now aiming for…

Without further thought, Blair dove out of the truck, cell phone in hand. He rushed to where Jim was trying to hold the biker together and screaming for him to breath. Blair snapped open the phone and automatically began to dial.

“I need an ambulance and police at Delmonico Cannery on Grand Boulevard! We’re at the corner of 10^th and Grand.” Blair watched as Jim began CPR, determined to do whatever it took. Blair closed his eyes to beg all gods and goddesses he knew. Into the phone he demanded, “Hurry this guy’s been shot!”

“Come on buddy!” Jim cried out. Blair leaned forward to check for a pulse. He found none and moved to place his hand on Jim’s shoulder. Jim looked up and met Blair’s sorrowful gaze. He must have read the truth in Blair’s eyes as he stopped his efforts threw back his head and screamed.

“No! Not him! No!”

o-O-o

Jim had gone with Danny Choi to the hospital, leaving Blair with the truck and a severe case of heartache. He had gotten some of the particulars from Simon, but it still hurt to think that this young man, who had looked up to Jim for most of his adult life, was now dead from an assassin’s bullet to the back. Cowardly, dickless… cold. Jim said he had seen the shooter before Blair had bailed the truck, but then he had gone off with the body to be sure that it was taken care of.

He had also told Blair that he needed to file a report and get the guy who had done the shooting as soon as possible. So Blair had left with the truck, dropping it off at the loft and hiding the keys under the floor mat. Then he had gotten in his own car and driven home. He hoped that he could sleep for a few hours before classes, but his dreams were plagued with remembered visions of the shooting. Over and over the bullet slamming into Danny’s back, over and over Jim screaming. All just a nightmare that wouldn’t go away.

The next day he had tried to pay attention in class, dealing with the multitude of lame questions from students who had not read the material assigned for one excuse or another. He was relieved that he had no office hours and went straight home, hoping for a message from Jim. There was none, and Blair was left at loose ends, with his thoughts and his rage. And the Guides.

“Some help you two were. You let that kid die, and for what?”

The panther glanced to the wolf, who settled down to lay his head on his paws and gaze up at Blair with sorrowful eyes. Blair shook his head.

“Don’t sit there and say that some things can’t be avoided in life. I know that… but this was just… cold... stone cold man.”

The panther growled low in its throat, but Blair ignored it.

“No I am not going to calm down about this. I can’t be calm about this, cause there was nothing I could do about it… except sit and watch as that bullet slammed into him. And Jim, gods he looked so damned lost. How about a better warning, eh?”

The panther yawned heavily, as if to say that he really couldn’t be bothered at this time. The wolf stared back at his human counterpart with something akin to sadness in his deep blue eyes. Blair rambled on.

“I keep making mistakes in this gig, I’m beginning to wonder if I made the right choice in the first place. Why do I keep trying? Can you tell me that?

Silence from the feline and canine. Blair began to pace in the middle of the room, Larry on one side in his cage, the Guides sitting side by side on the other, and muttered dejectedly. “I mean, when I thought that this was just a dream, a vision, I thought that things would be radically changed as time went on. But now you’ve gone and let some cop get killed, and Jim is hounding me about the damn gun thing, and Naomi is going to cough up kittens when she finds out who I’m hanging around with these days.”

He sat on the edge of his couch, the Guides in full view. “And I have noticed that Jim doesn’t trust me completely, no matter how hard I try. Tests are ignored, or scoffed in favor of deep meaningful discussions of my becoming more like a cop and less like the teacher I’m supposed to be. “

He sighed, “I can’t cope with this. If he asked me tomorrow could I keep doing this, I would have to say no. He’s got very little control, and he’s letting his feelings get in the way of his actions. He doesn’t feel like practicing today, so let’s go to the park and get a hotdog. I don’t think I can come in for that testing today, Sandburg. I have a late shift this afternoon, Sandburg. Sorry, Sandburg, but I don’t see how this can help. GODS!”

Blair stood abruptly and strode over to his fridge, taking a bottle of beer out for himself and popping the top quickly. He stared at the panther. “Do you think this could get any worse?”

The panther stretched and stood smoothly. He leaned over wolf, who had apparently fallen asleep during Blair’s tirade, and then strolled over to Blair's side, leaning against his leg. The pale blue eyes of the cat met Blair's and a searing vision of a blond flashed across his mind that was accompanied by sensations that left him cold and shaking. Her piercing blue eyes promising things he didn't want to think about.

"Oh... yeah." Blair said and swallowed around a suddenly dry throat. "I remember her vaguely... not one of the better moments of the dream walk if I remember things rightly."

The cat nodded, then returned to his companion’s side, laying beside him in the near darkness. Blair sighed as he finished off the beer in a few swallows and began to lock up for the night. Larry had also fallen asleep and Blair thought that sounded like a good idea. “Tomorrow maybe I can look for a way to help Jim turn these senses off. Maybe if he thinks I am trying that, at least he might be a bit more understanding and let me research him better. If I don’t understand these senses of his, then I can’t very well take them away, can I?”

Blair climbed into bed, not noticing the accusing eyes of the cat as he melted into the shadows of the night.

o-O-o

Blair struggled not to sigh in exasperation. “Why didn’t you call me last night?”

Jim, walking beside him and opening the door to the precinct asked, “And say what? Hey Sandburg, come on over, I can’t taste the beer?”

Blair snorted once, not attempting to answer.  Finally he replied, “I’m just here to help, Jim. If you ever feel that something is off, you can call me. I might have an answer.”

Jim remained silent for a moment and Blair supposed that the man was thinking over his open offer. Finally he smiled at Blair.

“Ok, Chief. I’ll try to remember that.”

He might have wanted to say more but Carolyn had just marched up behind him. “Jim!”

Blair whispered to Jim, “Look out, angry Ex-wife alert.” Jim glared back at him but said nothing as he turned to Carolyn.

“Hi Carolyn, how are you?”Taking the first step in greeting sort of took the wind out of her sails a bit as she slowed to stand beside Blair. She nodded to Blair first with a tight smile, then continued to explain to Jim her latest troubles.

“Hi Jim, I’ve been better. I got this in this morning’s mail. It’s from the IRS. Apparently, we owe a penalty on some back taxes from when we were married.”

Jim read the letter. “4,000 dollars?”

Blair whistled lightly. “Man that is a chunk of change…”

Carolyn opened her mouth to agree when a dark haired, Hispanic woman swept in from the other end of the hall and planted herself directly in front of Jim, blocking out Carolyn and Blair. With gushing sounds of praise, she led Jim a little ways from the others. Caro watched this with an air of surprise. Blair rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Nice,” snarked Blair. Carolyn sighed.

“Yeah about as nice as a letter from the damn IRS.” She replied. Blair glanced back at the letter.

“This is over two years ago, that means it’s likely not all your fault. I’d have your lawyers look into it.” Blair commented. Carolyn looked at him and shrugged.

“Worth a shot.” She replied. Jim, possibly overhearing their conversation, suddenly looked up and noticed the frosty gaze of Carolyn looking over the head of the dark haired woman. Blair, on the other hand, merely acted bemused by the situation. He winced as he realized what had happened, and brought the woman back to them.

“Um, I’m so sorry. Beverly, this is Blair Sandburg.” Jim tried not to look sheepish. Blair grinned as Beverly shook his hand.

“Beverly Sanchez, Assistant D.A. Nice to meet you.” She replied with a smile on her face.

Blair smiled back, “You too.”

“And Lieutenant Carolyn Plummer.” Jim shrugged, unable to say more. Carolyn smiled as graciously as she could and shook Beverly’s hand. Beverly’s face faltered a bit as she came to recognize the name.

“Oh, of course. Plummer. Well, I guess I should be going. Nice to meet you both. Jim, I’ll see you at the arraignment later?” She turned to leave. Jim nodded once and added.

“Sandburg and I will be there.”

She nodded once more, and was gone. Jim turned back to Carolyn, and just to prove to Blair that his hearing was fine he said, “Carolyn, I’ll send it to my lawyer and let him deal with it. Don’t worry, ok?”

Carolyn took a deep breath and sighed. Finally she looked back up at Jim. “Fine, I’ll let you deal with it then. If you need me, you know where I am.”

And with that, Carolyn turned and left. Jim glanced at Blair, who was sniggering lightly. Jim lightly bopped Blair on the back of the head. “You got something to say Junior, out with it.”

“Man, you love playing with fire, don’t you? First Vera and now this?”

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jim asked suspiciously.

Blair just shook his head, "Man you are hopeless - utterly and completely hopeless - you know that?"

o-O-o

Blair sat back on the bench with Jim, watching as Beverly stated her case to the judge with the defense attorney and Juno in attendance. Juno glanced back at Blair and Jim with a smug look on his face. Blair wanted nothing more than to wipe that look off the coward’s face with his fist.

Jim watched Juno watching him and just smiled when Beverly called his name. Blair sat forward as Jim stood to take the stand. The overwhelming sense of dread that was flushing through him did little to ease the knot in his stomach, and for some reason he felt the desire to leave. But he couldn’t leave, Jim needed him. For what, he didn’t know, but it was important. Finally he forced himself to pay attention to the Defense Attorney as he asked for details of the shooting.

“Now, Detective Ellison, Officer Choi was shot and killed at 11:15 pm, in front of the old Delmonico Cannery on Grand Boulevard, between 10^th and 12^th streets, is that right?”

Jim sat back, as if in thought. Blair froze for an instant, remembering the future through his own eyes.

“No, no, no…” he muttered. Sentinel soft he whispered to Jim, “Too far, man, no human can see that far.. fudge, fumble… shit… um… I called it in to 10^th, not 12^th… so we could have been closer.”

Jim blinked twice, and flicked his gaze to Blair for an instant before returning to the Defense Attorney. “Actually the truck was facing 12th, but we were clearly just north of 10th street. We did fall back from the original target zone, only prudent when someone is shooting at you. That was why we were so far back when back-up arrived.”

“I see,” the attorney fumbled a moment… distance being iffy, he had to go a different tactic. Blair saw the man plotting and got ticked. His face screwed up into a hateful expression as he came up with obfuscation.  Dropping his head so that his hair would hide his features in a concealing curtain, Blair outlined for Jim his idea.

“You had sniper training in the Rangers, right? And they wouldn’t take anything but the best – and made sure you could handle any conditions. You have rather acute eyesight. You can submit yourself for tests.” Blair took the chance to quickly peek through his hair at Jim. The older man had his head cocked in the way that told Blair he was hearing him loud and clear and he wasn’t objecting to anything either.  The testing thing had been a bit of a gamble, but so far so good.

“So yeah, the guy was in shadow, but right when you turned trying to see where the shot had come from, headlights from a nearby car had to hit him, right? So you could tell that he was wearing something dark up to his neck, and that his head was dark, but his face was brightly lit for the second or two it took to ID him.” 

Then Blair was out of time, he raised his head as the defense was asking for Jim's description of the night in his own words. Jim's eyes met Blair's glancingly and he smirked.  Blair felt he'd been sent a message, 'Confirmation orders understood sir.'

"I saw the shooter, he was at a third story window and mostly in shadow, but it was only about 100 - 150 yards and I could still see his face. I've had to cope with worse in the past when I was an Army Ranger." Jim sat up straighter. "As a Ranger I was tested and trained in numerous capacities, one of which was as a sniper when they found I had unusually acute eyesight. Those particular tests are sealed - national security and need to know protocols - but I will submit to tests now to prove it if I have to. But that is the reason I can positively identify the shooter as Tommy Juno."

The defense attorney was good, he was pushing the skeptical angle like no tomorrow. He asked, "You're absolutely certain the man you saw shoot Officer Choi was Tommy Juno?

Jim was getting a bit frustrated. He knew this was how court worked but he didn't like to have his word questioned. "Yes, as I said before I saw him clearly. There was enough light to see that he was wearing something covering him to his neck, like a turtleneck. And due to my time in the Rangers I can tell you he was armed with a knight .30 caliber sniper rifle, one fitted with a combined starlight night-vision scope and laser sight. Or something close enough for it to not make any difference."

At such a firm testimony, especially with such a credible witness, the defense attorney was powerless.  The judge presiding over the proceedings on the other hand wasn't. Judge Perlman very firmly bound the case over to trial.

Blair breathed a huge sigh of relief as Juno was carted off to jail. Jim squeezed his arm and grinned like a loon as they left the courtroom and headed out of the building. The media was in frenzy for news. Jim didn’t want to speak to them just then, so with several ‘No Comments’ they sidestepped the circus and headed for the precinct.

o-O-o

Jim sat on the edge of Simon’s desk, a contented smile across his face while Blair talked with Simon.

“You should have seen it, Simon. Jim was so cool in the witness stand. There’s no way that Juno walks without bail.” Blair beamed at his Sentinel, who ducked his head with a sheepish grin.

“Just those 11 witnesses, Chief. Juno was at that benefit the night of the shooting, or he’s paid a lot of people to lie for him.” Jim reminded. Blair scowled as he stuck his tongue out at Jim. Simon sighed.

“Either way, we have him for at least 24 hours. Time enough for you two to find something.”

At that moment, Beverly took the time to breeze into Simon’s office, a huge grin pasted on her own face. “Unbelievable! I thought for sure that the defense attorney had you there with the distance thing, but… you didn’t tell me you had sniper training!”

Jim smiled thoughtfully as he glanced over at Blair, who ducked his head to hide behind his curtain of hair. “Yeah well, that was back in my Army days. Not something I advertise, you know.”

“Yes,” agreed Beverly, “But surely you understand that we have to get you tested so that it holds up in court.”

Blair grinned craftily. “Yeah, Jim… and you need to be tested for the night vision thing too…”

Jim glared at Blair for a moment, realizing that he’d been had by the younger man. Then the glare faded and Blair figured he had been forgiven the snark. He was going to get his test results, one way or another.

o-O-o

"What are you doing?" 

Blair had slipped into the unmarked vehicle and froze. Reality was twisting back on him again and he was faced with the vision he had hoped to avoid.

Jim glanced up, but wouldn't meet Blair's eyes. Alarms rang in the younger man's head as Jim said in an overly casual tone, "Oh hey, there you are. Glad you got my message..."

Blair repeated his question, hoping this time to get an answer. "What are you doing Jim?"

An irritated snarl crossed Jim's face clueing Blair in to exactly what the Sentinel was feeling. "Juno got out on bail this morning - seems those 11 eyewitnesses at the benefit the other night give him the benefit of the doubt. They made the case shaky enough that Beverly couldn't hold him any longer anyway. So now if I want to put him back away I have to find something on him, something airtight."

"But what are we doing *here*, Jim. What is this?" Blair asked, needing the detective to clarify what he was doing in his own words. He couldn't afford to jump to conclusions, there was too much at stake.

"What does it look like Chief? I'm getting the evidence that we need to put Tommy Juno away for good!" Jim replied with exasperation. Blair glared at him.

"By using an illegal wiretap that you know Simon would never have allowed to listen in on his conversations? What's the sense Jim? Nothing you record could be used in a court of law with no warrant. You would have been better off just using your senses to get the information you needed to set up a sting of some sort."

Jim slammed a hand against the dash and growled. "Listen up boy scout, Juno killed Danny. And he's going down for that!"

"Yeah, but you keep this path and so are you!" Blair exhorted, wanting so badly to yell and hit Jim upside the head to make him see sense. He was not giving up, it was too important "Jim man, this is not what I signed on for. I am not going to stand by and watch you self-destruct. I'll back you with the senses, and I'll back you pretty much anywhere else on the job, but this... it's morally wrong, and you know it."

For a minute they just stared at each other, the words laying between them like a chasm. Then Jim's face darkened and he snarled, "Fine, get out. There's the door."

Blair opened the door roughly. Anger was seeping from every pore as he turned back to face Jim one last time, "Something to think about Jim - would Danny want you here, doing this? Would he want you breaking the law for him?"

Jim's face didn't change and Blair, fed up, got nasty. "Oh yeah, I bet Danny would be real impressed by his Big Brother cop right now eh? Bye Jim."

Blair stood up and got out of the car and slammed the door behind him. He headed back to where he had left his own car parked around the block and hoped he was doing the right thing. Jim just stared after him in disbelief.

It wasn’t that he was walking slow… it was just that he was walking not so fast. One ear on Jim’s car, he silently held his breath. He had just reached the corner, which was only half a block away, when he heard the car start up. He smiled sheepishly with his head down and picked up the pace to turn the corner and appear to be headed towards his car.

Jim soon drove beside him, slowing his borrowed vehicle to match pace with Blair. They were silent for a few feet as Blair kept his face as neutral as possible. Finally, Jim broke the silence.

“You’re right.”

Blair ignored him, kept walking. Jim continued to pace him. “What do you want, Sandburg. It was a stupid move. I wasn’t thinking.”

Blair finally came to a halt, a few feet from a trash can. He turned to Jim, who had stopped his vehicle and was leaning out the driver’s side window, staring at him. They stood silently for a few moments, like a child’s game of blink on larger scale. Finally, Blair stepped forward, hand held out. Jim looked up at him. Then he nodded, reached into the car, and plucked the tape reel out of the machine and handed it over to the observer without a word.

With a smile, Blair took the reel, walked a step or two towards the front of the car, placed the tape under the wheel, and waved Jim to roll forward, then when he heard the satisfying crunch, waved him to roll back. He scooped up the resulting trash and stepped back on the sidewalk to toss the mess in and walk away. Jim grinned at him as he put the car back in drive.  He gassed it just a bit to come even with Blair again.

“Meet me at the loft?” he asked hopefully.

Blair nodded. “Yeah man. I think we need to talk.”