InsaneJournal

Frank Sinatra once sang a song called Nature Boy. Not one of his Vegas best, I’ll tell you. It was a soft melody about a strange man from foreign lands. I have heard it sung by many another singer, but no one sings it best in my mind than Frankie. Soft, smooth vocals with just a hint of jazz accompaniment, it is one of the most relaxing pieces of music I own. And when I play it, late at night with the balcony doors open letting the soft summer breeze in to my loft apartment, I’m reminded of my very own Nature Boy.

My partner, Blair Sandburg.

When I met him, I thought he was a flake. But I learned quickly that it wasn’t because he was weird. It was because he had all this unusual information that was bursting to get free! See, when Blair was born, his mother was into the travelling shtick. She took him all over the United States, and I would not be surprised if Little Blair had a passport with his baby picture in it to take them all over the world. They met different people from all different places. You could say that Blair was a child of the world, and all before his 16^th birthday.

Then he went to college, here, at Rainer, in Cascade, WA. He had a chance for any college in the country, but he chose to settle himself in Washington, to learn more about something he already was quite comfortable with. People. He loves to watch them, study them, understand their little idiosyncrasies, and develop theories on why they are the way they are. But he still travelled. It was in his blood, and strange to think this but, he often seemed restless to his fellow students and teachers, alike.  But he struggled and he persevered to graduate with a Masters in his field. Still, he wanted to learn more. It was as if he was filling some hole in his heart that he couldn’t understand.

Then he met me. Jim Ellison, Ex-Ranger and repressed asshole extraordinaire.  I became his new challenge. Not because of the senses, that was a plus. He wanted to know the man behind the gift. He wanted to learn what made Jim Ellison act the way he acted. And I indulged him for quite some time. But then I began to question him, why was he still hanging around when it was clear I could handle myself, what did he hope to gain from opening me up like a book and reading the pages of my past, why was he content to live in my little spare room for all of eternity? And he could never give me an answer.

One night, I became so frustrated with him, I couldn’t think. We had argued. It was after his dissertation tanked, thanks to his mind-addled mother, and we at the department had gotten the badge for him, inviting him to come work with us at the PD. I hadn’t wanted to give him that badge. I was trying to resign from the PD so that he and I could go somewhere, anywhere else. But, Simon had insisted that this would work, that Blair would be happy to do it. And I wondered what I was thinking, letting this go on. Blair had stormed out of the loft, saying that it was his life to do with as he pleased, and it pleased him to be with me, and didn’t I get how much he cared for me and wanted to be here for me!

Then the door slammed, and I was left alone to try to sort out my conflicting feelings. That’s when the records on the shelf caught my attention and one such record in particular. Pulling down Frankie, grabbing a glass and pouring some wine, and parking myself on the sofa facing away from the stereo, I settled into my favorite song of all. And for once, I actually listened to the words.

There was a boy, a very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far, over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye, but very wise was he
And then one day, a magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things, fools and kings
This he said to me: "the greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"

Listening to the words suddenly brought on a whole new meaning. When I matched them up to Blair, I could see the truth, laid out in Technicolor form. He loved me. Blair Sandburg loved me. He loved me enough that he wanted to do what was best for me. And that meant staying in Cascade, becoming a cop, and working at my side. My Guide, My friend… My love.

I’m glad he chose that moment to come back into the loft. He had forgotten something, thought of something, was concerned about something, it didn’t matter. I stood as soon as he had closed the door, wrapped my arms around him and hugged him close. The words of the song echoed in the loft as I leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“The greatest thing, you’ll ever love, is just to love and be loved in return…” Slipping my hands up his sides to take his face in them, I looked at him fully and smiled.

“I love you too, Chief.”